Are Your Conversations One-Sided? Become a better listener.

Do you ever feel like your conversations are a little one-sided? Do your friends or family seem to prepare their next statement before truly hearing what you have to say? Or worse, do they not acknowledge your words or the sincerity of what you're sharing?

Maybe they’re listening, but are they really hearing you?

There’s a big difference between listening and hearing. Listening is passive—it’s about receiving sound. Hearing, on the other hand, requires engagement. It means you’re processing, understanding, and valuing the person’s words.

The Bible gives us wisdom about how we should engage in communication. James 1:19 reminds us: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." This verse challenges us to be intentional in our conversations, prioritizing listening with our hearts and not just our ears.

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately because, as a parent, I realize how often I fail in this area.

For years, I’ve tried to truly hear my children. But if I’m honest, I often listen with a biased opinion or a preconceived notion of what they’re trying to say. Sometimes, when I ask questions, I have an expectation for their answers. And when those answers don’t align with what I hoped to hear, I struggle to engage in the conversation the way I should.

One recent experience with my oldest son, Nathan, brought this into sharp focus.

I’ve been encouraging—okay, maybe pushing—him to purchase his first car. I saw it as a rite of passage, a step toward adulthood, and I thought I was helping him prepare for his future. But every time we discussed it, I realized the conversation was going in circles. I was listening to his words but never truly hearing what he was saying.

Then, one day, it hit me. He didn’t feel the need to own a car. As a soon-to-be college freshman, he had already worked out alternative transportation options for getting to and from class. In his mind, a car wasn’t essential right now.

That realization floored me. I’d been so focused on my own expectations—on what I thought he needed—that I hadn’t given his perspective the weight it deserved. I was listening, but I wasn’t hearing.

That moment was humbling. It reminded me that real listening requires setting aside my own agenda and expectations. It’s about being fully present and open to what the other person has to say, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Think about the last conversation you had. Were you truly listening, or were you formulating your next response? Did you acknowledge the other person’s feelings, their story, or their perspective?

In today’s fast-paced world, real connection can feel rare, but it’s more valuable than ever. When we listen well, we demonstrate respect, empathy, and love—the same qualities we desire from others.

So how do we become better listeners?

• Be Present: Give your full attention, free of distractions like phones or wandering thoughts.

• Seek Understanding: Ask clarifying questions to show you’re engaged and genuinely interested.

• Respond Thoughtfully: Take a moment to process what you’ve heard before you speak.

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Let’s strive to be people who don’t just listen, but who truly hear others. By doing so, we reflect the love and care that Christ modeled for us.

What changes can you make today to become a better listener?